I'm hurting

In the book, Forgive & Forget, by Lewis B. Smedes, there is a chapter which carries the title, "We Hurt."  Mr. Smedes reveals some interesting information about something we have in common with countless others in our world.  He lets us know we are not alone when we find ourselves in situations where another person inflicts hurt on us.

I don't think I have ever met anyone that is exempt from the hurtful experience.  Perhaps untruth has been spoken about you, or maybe it's in the form of a false accusation, an ugly rumor, or the result of people who like to gossip.  We have all experienced hurt at the hands of others.

While the hurting is a common experience, and something we know is bound to happen, the actual way we deal with it can bring about some different responses from people.  One of those might be described as the "flying off the handle" response.  After all, we have been hurt so it's up to use to set the record straight, no matter what it takes.  You can see this method could easily result in a larger hurting of others ranging from a black eye to a ruined friendship.  We all need to see that our response to being hurt by others, needs to stay within scripture guidelines which are formed when we realize we are responsible for maintaining unity and peace in God's family.  That means loving God and loving others as we love ourselves must always remain in the forefront.

Getting back to the Smedes book, there are four ways in which we might see ourselves in being hurt, and looking at each of these might help us in dealing with our own hurt.  First, and maybe the most hurtful is the truth, there are people in this world who hurt us because they think we deserve to be hurt. This is the kind of hurt in which there is a lot of feeling that we are getting just what we deserve, so they will help us through all the mud and muck just to make sure we end up hurting. I stated this was maybe the most hurtful because in the heart of the person inflicting the hurt, they are convinced they are "doing the right thing" and teaching us a lesson in making us hurt.

Another means of hurting others is the person who hurts compulsively.  They are set on hurting others and they may not mean to, but the hurt is real, just the same.  We might easily see this in the life of the person with a drinking problem.  He may not mean to hurt his family but his addiction to booze makes him a compulsive, hurtful person.

That brings us to the third type of hurting which is a hurt brought on by the "spill-over" from the problems of others.  This is easily detected in the hurt inflicted on younger people when their parents are divorcing. Innocent kids being hurt by the conflicts of adults who love them, but still hurt them.

This last one might surprise you a bit, but we can even be hurt by the good intentions of others.  They may be in the process of trying to help, yet not have full knowledge of the situation, and even with intending well, things go sour and we can get hurt.

You may think of other descriptions of being hurt, but I want you to see, if we are going to follow God's way of dealing with the hurt, regardless of how it comes about, the answer is in the word, forgiveness. We need to be reminded the killers of Jesus had the greatest of intentions in ridding Israel of a blasphemer, but ended up crucifying the Son of God.

Oh, there is a fifth reason we get hurt.  That happens when we make mistakes ourselves.  Yes, often the blame belongs to us, based on our own bad decisions, our wrong motives, or the backfire that occurs when we try to hurt others, just to get even.

The only remedy comes from a response of forgiveness, based on imitating God as he forgives us.  Yes, forgiveness is the only fix for hurtful experiences.  Isn't it amazing how much forgiveness can result in stronger relationships and brotherly love, but it also brings the greatest blessings to us.

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